Anytime Resolution: Aim for 5:1

It is a new month and here is a new resolution to consider. Today's Anytime Resolution is to aim for the 5:1 ratio in your interaction with your significant other.

 

5:1 is the magic number that I would like to encourage all couples to remember and practise.

 

What is it and why is it important?

 

Relationship expert, John Gottman found that stable and flourishing couples have a 5:1 ratio between positive interactions to negative ones even when they have a disagreement. When they are not fighting, the ratio of positive comments to negative would be even higher.

 

In other words, for every negative comment there has to be at least five compliments or positive comments for the relationship to thrive and last.

 

It is comforting to note that some amount of negative interaction is to be expected (since it's 5:1 and not 5:0) in a committed relationship. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship and it is truly how we negotiate the differences that determine its success or failure.

 

How would your rate the ratio of positive and negative interactions in your relationship?

 

If you consistently achieve the 5:1 ratio, keep up the excellent work! Otherwise, this resolution is for you to consider.

 

Cultivating generosity, kindness and appreciation begins with the desire to want to do so. Once you have made the decision, start small by first noticing the good that your significant other has done or been for you. Make time to express your thanks openly and do it often.

 

Now, please excuse me as I shall go and think of at least five positive things that I would like to do or say to my husband today.

 

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